ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
