Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
