it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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