My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
