He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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