the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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