The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
