Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
