Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
