he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
