I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
