Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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