ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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