At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
