NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
