i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
