I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
