The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
