i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
