me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
