Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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