mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
