I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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