I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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