problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
