i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
