WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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