Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
