no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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