Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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