I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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