When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
