Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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