This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Michael Bay diarrhea
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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