dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
