so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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