I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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