I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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