i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
