i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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