yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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