My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
