I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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