idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
