He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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