I think i sorta joined a cult last night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
high people should be assigned attendants
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
