I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
