Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
