she woke up with a sticky ear
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
