I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
