I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
