i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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