your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
accomplished twins. life is a go
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
